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  • Writer's pictureJoy Slaughter

13.1 Crazymaking

One of the difficult things to explain about abusive relationships is that of “crazymaking.” This is a type of blame shifting and gas lighting that abusive partners do that makes the survivor doubt themselves, question themselves, or wonder about their own sanity.

This article mentions 10 ways abusive partners accomplish this:

1. When your partner convinces you that something happened when it didn’t (or vice versa)

2. Passive-aggressive behavior

3. Everything is somehow your fault

4. Projection

5. Non-verbal body language sends a dismissive message

6. Making you doubt your perceptions

7. Hypocritical behavior

8. It’s all about control

9. Subtle brain-washing

10. Setting you up to fail

Pages 282-284 are nearly a full expression of this list. The reader now sees clearly that the tumor did not fully explain Todd’s behavior, if it did at all. Perhaps the habits are too deeply learned or perhaps the tumor never affected him in that way at all.

Like many people in these relationships, Megan has trouble seeing his behavior for what it is. Her concept of what is occurring and the ideals she is believing in do not align with reality. Nathan and Martin discuss the issue. Once more, we see the deep regard Martin has for her, a consideration so strong that he is reluctant to step back and admit that Megan prefers Nathan over him. Martin, like Sam, encourages Nathan to trust Megan to do what’s best for her.

He knows that true change cannot be imposed and must come from her.


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